It is not the purpose of this website to castigate you. You have undoubtedly done a thorough job of that to yourself already.
Neither is it the purpose of this website to shove fire and brimstone religion down your throat.
Rather we wish to take this moment to offer up some words of wisdom from other people, both great and small, to help give you a measure of perspective and, hopefully, peace.
'The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.' Mahatma Gandhi
'Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.' Buddha
'Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself.' Walter Anderson
'Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.' Helen Keller
'Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life.' Anne Roiphe
'You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.' Mary Pickford
'Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.' Khalil Gibran
'Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.' Alexis Carrel
'The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.' Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
'Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind, that the counsel is wise.' Joan Rivers
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